So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
