i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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