3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
