I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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