I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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