i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Your penis caused this!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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