Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
