Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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