I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't deserve a penis
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
