We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
as a side note pls kill me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
