I got chris browned last night
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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