This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
