If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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