I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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