nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
