If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
