I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
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I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
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you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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