I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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