that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
