I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
