Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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