when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
