From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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