my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
