people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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