So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
