woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You're a waste of cheezeits
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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