Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
