Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
