Ambien. No doubt about it.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
