her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
