just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
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Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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