Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
