Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Drunk is a universal language darling
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
