she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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