Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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