I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
