mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
