You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
