You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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