I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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