Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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