if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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