Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
