I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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