Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
