i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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