I just pynch a tree in the face
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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