I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
