Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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