The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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