After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
