dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
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I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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