I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
