you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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