if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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