Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
