last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
