My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
