There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
