I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
