My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
