I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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