Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
